Stars Over a Parking Lot

Of course, she looked back over her shoulder as soon as he was behind her. How could she resist? How could she not? All of the emotion didn’t disappear overnight. All of the hope she’d discovered hadn’t faded away. Even though there were rain clouds that occupied her mind every time she let herself dwell on him, Julia still imagined the bright sun was waiting to come back. There was still a chance for him to remember the glitter and butterflies in the moments they shared, and she believed there was still time for him to go back on his changed mind. Julia remembered that moment, one freeze in times endless ticking, that lit a spark in her she’d never felt before. As she looked, she wondered how she was supposed to let everything fade into memory. 

Time stood at a giving halt, once again, as she looked at the boy she used to know walk away. Looking at Patrick like that, she remembered a moment, an early moment they’d shared before anything was said and before anything had been done. That moment where the tension was so strong, she could feel it echo throughout her entire being. Her heartbeat quickened, thoughts raced, palms sweat, knees shook, and nothing had been tarnished or polished; it was a brand-new creation. Nothing was started and Julia knew she could back out, just reconsider, but something was gnawing at her gut, piquing her curiosity. There was a screaming in her pounding heart telling Julia to give herself a chance, just one more time.

Watching him saunter off, everything about that night rushed back. The two of them had stumbled into a moment that lasted a lifetime. Julia had laid so still; she could see the stars drift across the sky. It was that moment when she realized she was falling for the beautiful brown eyes that made her thoughts feel naked. Those honey-drenched windows to the soul and mind that she wanted to stay trapped in; entranced like a bee and its comb. It was that moment that Julia could not get out of her thoughts. It was the one she held onto, never expecting Patrick would actually change his mind.

Peering down the hall, Julia watched Patrick become engulfed in the crowd. She remembered watching Patrick lay down on the asphalt to gaze at the yellow crescent moon hanging in the sky. The moon smiled over the dim parking lot because it knew that this moment would end and the moments after would never come close. That breath that she had to catch, that ring she had to fidget with, that hair that could absolutely not stay untucked, all mattered. She knew even then that these details would etch themselves next to the scars on her heart and the hope in her mind. That black tar was illuminated by hope and desire, lit by a single streetlight to set the scene for this single, beautiful moment Julia wished would last forever.

She remembered that moment of beautiful fear that crept over her stone walls like ivy as she pictured herself sitting up to take some of the serious tension out of the air. The utter terror that came with every breath and word took root in Julia’s daydream. That moment when either of them dared to speak, the other would blush light shades of pink regardless of the content of the sentence. Julia remembered noticing details in the world she hadn’t before, and everything became a metaphor for what she was feeling because she wasn’t sure she could describe it any other way. The beautiful moment she was in, that she wished to never leave, lingered under the stars. It was only until Patrick decided to evolve the moment into a pinnacle memory that a million moments with anyone else could not replace. Julia thought about how Patrick breathed deeply and leaned in to utter what changed everything. Faith and hope filled Julia’s lungs as she turned to face Patrick’s winning smile and floppy brown hair. She remembered waiting for him to say something, praying that if he did, he would mean it.

Reaching up to adjust a headphone, Julia slowly began to turn away from a disappearing Patrick. As she shifted, she remembered the moment after Patrick had altered the course of Julia’s heart. That feeling of looking away, sitting breathless and giddy, searching for what to say next, reentered Julia’s subconscious. She remembered pondering the way the words were spoken as her mental gears began to turn. His syntax was being analyzed for all of its intricacies and she would make up sentences to fill in any blanks in her mind. Scenarios raced through her brain; wishes and fantasies that were then entirely possible. One more look in those eyes, at that face, at that smile, would mute the overthinking instead of encourage it. 

Julia let the movie in her mind run a little wilder and almost allowed light laughter to slip from her lips as she thought back to the giggles and movement that guided the fated conversation to a hopeful goodbye. She could still feel the air filled with subtext she couldn’t bring herself to say even now. Julia fixed her gaze forward and snapped back to reality. She swore that Patrick was the last time anyone would blind her with a narrative founded in the idyllic fantasy of a romantic movie. Julia saw herself like a ghost, turning to leave and looking over her shoulder, exampling a tiny spin, fluttering a wave to progress the moment to an end. She could still remember that girl she used to be, and if Patrick ever came back, there wasn’t a doubt in Julia’s mind that the girl she remembered would come back just as swiftly as she’d left. She would melt all over again. Settled in their cars, she had smiled and waved at Patrick again because she could not believe that she wasn’t dreaming. But she wasn’t; and the moon knew it, and the stars knew it, and the streetlight knew it, and the pavement knew it. Driving away, the moment was left to hang, motionless, under stars, in a parking lot.

So, of course she looked over her shoulder. How could she not? Crestfallen, she only wished he had looked back too.